Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why I Hate Apartment Life: Reason #41

I already have trouble sleeping; I'm sure it has something to do with the ever-changing mid-section. Last night, I didn't go to sleep until after 9 p.m. (this is a good hour later than I have been going to bed). Well, sometime near 1 a.m. (it could have been later), I hear the neighbor above us moaning and groaning like it is the last time she will ever have sex. It starts with some moaning, then the headboard is slamming against the wall, then more moaning, more slamming, more moaning...well, you get the picture. Honestly, it went on for at least an hour.

While laying there in bed, I found myself wondering, what man could keep this up for an hour? I told Ben about it this morning; he said he's heard it before too, but earlier in the evening and just the headboard thing. I told him I had 4 theories of how something like this could have happened: 1) the man was a stallion, 2) Viagra (pure speculation on my part, I've never even seen the stuff...I don't know how long it makes one last), 3) Toys, 4) W.D. I give the first theory about a 5% chance of being the 'culprit'. Seriously, how many stallions can there be out there? The Viagra, I'm thinking is maybe in the 15% range. After Ben told me this woman was about 40, I thought that might be more of an option (I was also very repulsed). Factoring in the age thing again, the chance that accessories were involved is at least 50%. Then there's the ever popular W.D.; at this time in the morning (on a Tuesday night) there had to be some alcohol involved. I'm saying at least a 30% chance.

Then after I thought about all of those things, I thought it was strange that I had spent so much time thinking about them and analyzing them. I'm weird. Also, I blame the pregnancy. Otherwise, I would have just slept through the whole thing, and my peri-menopausal neighbors sex life would have never entered my thoughts.

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